and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
