If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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