I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
