We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
