I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
