This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
