Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
