i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Pants 0. Shit 1.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
