Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
