i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
