You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
