Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
