Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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