I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
