Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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