ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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