Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
