Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
