Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
