she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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