Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
