there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
