Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
