My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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