he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
it was like eating out sand paper
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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