I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
50% drunk capacity currently
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
