My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
