already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
