thus making me awesome and them whores
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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