i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
