I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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