My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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