I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
