Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
