u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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