it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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