basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
