I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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