he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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