just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
