I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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