Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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