I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
