Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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