you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
