tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
