Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
