I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
