Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
