Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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