WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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